he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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