I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
