i can't believe i had my finger in that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
