life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
