I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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