He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
