How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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