I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
