Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
