This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
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Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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