I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
