WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
