Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
