thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize