I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
kristin has been a bad kristin
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She bit a glass in half.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Terrible idea I love it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
