I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
