I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
