guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
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i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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