I showed him my bush... on skype.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
