I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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