Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
