Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
