You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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