did you get engaged???
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
