I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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