y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
