His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
