Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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