Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
