i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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