Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
