I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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