yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
