I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
