The beer is more important than you right now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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