She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
