Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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