this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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