Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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