just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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