If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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