I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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