Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
