Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
