i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
