This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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