Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i drank out of a bidet.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
