I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think my tv is drunk
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
