Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize