he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
