worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
