Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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