Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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