You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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