i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
