just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
