And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
