I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
