I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i would one night stand the shit outta him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
