just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize