Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there was a trapeze. enough said
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
