New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
