I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
