I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
