i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
