Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
