Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
