dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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