Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
